Friday, 29 April 2011

Freakin' out in Asda

Watching the royal wedding in HD. The Queen and Prince Philip have just arrived. Just think, imagine if the Queen died today... heart attack, live on global television... in high definition... go on, imagine it. Go on.

You disgust me.

Heh. Anyway, royal wedding or not, the blog must go on.

Had quite an embarrassing episode in Asda yesterday. I'd just come from the opticians where I'd just had a (long overdue) contact lens checkup and, because he'd dropped some kind of fluid in my eyes, I wasn't allowed to put my lenses back in afterwards. Luckily I'd brought my glasses in my bag. So, anyway, I've now made my way from the optician to Asda and I'm stumbling around quite self-consciously, not really able to see that much. The glasses are very old and nowhere near as strong as they should be... if anything they just make me quite shortsighted rather than very shortsighted. So I'm freaking out a bit as it feels like I'm hallucinating. People are everywhere, and there's an old lady in front of me who's clearly struggling with the concept of the shopping trolley. I can't get past.

I successfully pick up some sausages and then move on to the next item on my hit list; yoghurt. So far so good. But just as I turn into the yoghurt aisle I see somebody who I'm certain was my brother's ex-girlfriend. Now, I'd always got on with her quite well when they were together - which was quite a long time too - so I was fairly certain she'd recognise me and maybe we'd have to do the stop and chat thing. So I had a little dilemma... would I engage in the stop and chat, or would I ignore?

Automatically I opted for ignore. There was a little bit of distance between us so I thought I'd get away with it. The setup was good for an ignore. It was text book really. But then, for the first time ever in this situation, I felt some hesitancy. I was confused; I'd opted for the ignore but my body was rebelling against it. I think it was because she'd moved closer towards where I was hovering. In that moment everything changed and I was suddenly thrust back into the possibility of the stop and chat. It was going to happen. It was definitely going to happen. I felt it happening. Nothing I could do but go with it.

For some reason, and maybe it was because I was still freaking out over the whole not-being-able-to-see-properly thing, I became aware that I had raised my left hand and was kind of limply pointing at her with it. All of my fingers retained some curvature, but the index finger still led the bunch, and I was sort of jabbing it without much conviction in her direction. The movement was coming from my elbow, so it was my forearm dipping up and down. Anyway, by this stage we were about two feet in distance from one another, facing each other. We made eye contact and I said 'hi'. It was precisely at this moment that I realised I did not know who this woman was. She looked back at me with a look that was in equal parts confusion and horror.

A wave of embarrassment swept over me and I made my escape. I decided not to look back over my shoulder for fear of what I might see. I'd made an arse out of myself. I did, however, manage to pick up the yoghurt before I left - although I found out last night that I'd mistakenly picked up two mango & passion fruit instead of toffee. Idiot. So now I've picked up some eggs and some bread and I'm waiting at the checkout. I thought I'd call Min to tell her what had just happened... she'd possibly find it quite amusing.

The phone call didn't go well. She was making dumplings at the time.

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