Tuesday, 27 July 2010


Wow... it's nearly three months since I last posted something. I told you I was gravely ill.

I never know what to write when I leave it this long. Suppose I could start with what I've been doing recently. I've been doing a lot of baking. Or maybe I should say that my lovely girlfriend Min has been doing a lot of baking and I have been standing nearby observing what goes down. Actually that's not true; I've been pulling my weight. Earning my stripes. Those carrots don't peel themselves, motherfucker!

Let me get this right... we've made spinach & cheese muffins, ham & mushroom muffins, carrot & courgette muffins, made a fairly disastrous attempt at green tea cupcakes, soda bread, banana loaf, banana & cinnamon muffins & lemon bars. Oh man, the lemon bars! These lemon bar things are amazing; they've got this lemony shortbread base to them and this really tangy, gooey sumptuous lemon topping. Too many of them though and they'll fuck you up. These things are lethal. Like all guys I am also an expert at removing things from ovens. That said, I did manage to burn the fuck out of my fingers a couple of days ago when I made the schoolboy mistake of removing a hot baking tray from the oven before taking off the gloves and then absent mindedly attempting to pick up the tray seconds later. I was whistling my new free-form interpretation of Jingle Bells at the time. I blamed it on this. It was an intense performance. It's amazing what I've done with the tune, I like to think I've made it my own. Appropriation, baby, that's what it's all about.

We have loads of hornets in the garden at the moment. They keep coming into the house as well. I killed one of them in an amusing fashion by dropping a lemon on it from a great height. I tried to kill a second soon after with the same lemon but failed.

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