Saw somebody from work in Superdrug today. I must've been standing next to her for about a minute before I recognised her. I knew that I had to say hello - and I wanted to - but, for yet another reason that I'll never fully understand, I felt too embarrassed to do it. Not too embarrassed because I was in Superdrug or anything like that, but more like because me saying hello would be an unwelcome or an awkward thing or something similar.
It's a weird one... as you can be standing next to somebody you know but haven't noticed yet and feel perfectly fine... but then the moment you realise that they're there you have to do something. You need to make a decision... and you need to make it fast. Either you say hello or you pretend that you haven't noticed. Only you can't pretend you haven't noticed. Because that tiny little fucking moment of realisation means that you can never go back. Things have changed. It's over. You have to say hello straight away. But I couldn't do it... I tried twice but physically couldn't go through with it. I then decided to lean towards her in a subtle & probably quite peculiar way in an attempt to catch her eye. It didn't work. It was an awful couple of minutes. That horrible situation where you've left it too long... and you know you've left it too long... and yet the longer you leave it the more excruciating it becomes. I don't know whether or not she noticed me in the end. But I think that if she had - and considering that unlike me she seems like a normal person - she would have said hello. At least I hope so.
Anyway, as uncomfortable as this whole episode was, it only lasted about 5 minutes from start to finish. Plus, while all the inner turmoil was going on, I was simultaneously chomping on an apple (a Royal Gala) & talking to my mum - whom was also standing next to me & whom I had realised was there. So, yeah, if I was noticed & it gets mentioned on Monday, I can point to the apple as a valid excuse for my ignorance. Heh. On the subject of the apple... when she (my mum) had suddenly veered off the high street and into the shop, I was left standing outside with my apple. I quickly found myself cursing the decision I'd made to start eating it. It was cold and I hadn't thought it through. A few chilly chomps later I came to my senses and thought what the fuck am I doing? I mean, I was standing out there in the cold like I was puffing away on a bloody cigarette or something. It was an apple! I took it inside and continued to eat it. I kept a close eye on the staff, looking for any sign it was causing bother, but it seemed to be ok. It worries me that I was worried I'd be kicked out of Superdrug for eating an apple.
So, if nothing else, at least I can sleep a little easier tonight knowing that eating an apple in Superdrug is an acceptable thing.