Saturday, 8 August 2009

Last night...

It was the biggest spider I have ever seen in my life. There was a struggle. I fluffed two attempts to capture it, and then became a little hysterical. Eventually, after it had evaded the packet of guitar strings I threw at it, and after it dodged the cardboard poster tube I tried to roll over it, I resorted to the hoover. It made sense at the time, but now I realise that it was one of those situations where you solve a problem by creating another. So, even though the spider is no longer able to scuttle around freely, it's now inside my hoover chamber. I can see it in there. I'm too scared to empty it just in case it escapes. I had to tape the nozzle up to make sure that it wouldn't find a way out. I don't know what to do about it. I can never use the hoover again. Frankly I'm not happy with this.

On the subject of spiders; I'm having to dispose of money spiders like there's no tomorrow. They just keep appearing all over the place. I'm using the kitchen roll method - which is a method I devised myself specifically for the task. The kitchen roll method consists of two sheets of kitchen roll, folded over to make one extra strong square, laid in the palm of one hand, and then used to grab the spider. Once you're confident that the spider is in the kitchen roll you can neatly fold it up and deposit it into the bin. You have to make sure that the kitchen roll doesn't unfold itself though. They need to be tucked in tight. One glimpse of escape and they're on it. Generally speaking, I don't mind the money spider though... they are no threat to me. It's just I'd rather they weren't there. An inconvenience. But those nasty, thick, meaty bastards with a bit of bulk to them... they really get me down. There's something inherently evil about them.

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